


... why not lick a lamppost in winter?

by Idlewild



Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Avocados at Law, Crack, Dialogue-Only, Drinking, Gen, PWP without Porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-23
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-05-03 02:41:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5273465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idlewild/pseuds/Idlewild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a winter night at some point in time when all vigilante secrets have been revealed, and the famous three are hanging out on Matt's roof. And then... well. Hilarity ensues, as does embarrassment. But mostly team-bonding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	... why not lick a lamppost in winter?

‘… and it’s kinda like licking a lamppost in winter. Once is enough.’  
‘Yeah, I’ve never done that.’  
‘Seriously? How do you go through life, get to be our age, and never lick a frozen lamppost?’  
‘I haven’t either, actually.’  
‘ _What_? Why not?’  
‘Because I saw my brother do it once and learned from his mistakes.’  
‘And my mom told me gruesome tales of how there’d be _so much blood_ and I’d never be able to taste chocolate again, and that put me off it like nothing else could…’  
‘Well, you’re both missing out, then. I’m pretty sure that’s like an obligatory life experience you just have to have before you die. Or you’ll be stuck in limbo. Or something.’  
‘You’re full of shit, Matty. How are you drunk enough already to spout quasi-religious nonsense like that? You’ve had what, one beer?’  
‘I’m not drunk. No one on this roof is drunk.’  
‘ _Yet_.’  
‘Yes, thank you, Karen. Hang on, when did you lick a lamppost?’  
‘… when I was seven. Or eight. But dad was smart – smarter than people thought, anyway. He told me to stay really still and then he ran inside this café and had them give him a cup of warm water. Not scalding or anything, just. Warm. And he poured that on my tongue and it melted right off. No blood. That I can recall.’  
‘Okay, well, we’ll all just learn from your experience then, like Karen did with her brother. What’s his name?’  
‘Dylan.’  
‘No, see, that’s not how it works. You have to actually do it, there’s no lamppost-by-proxy, you can’t freeze your tongue to metal vicariously, you have to… Let’s just go do it now!’  
‘Okay, you’re totes drunk, Foggy’s right. Has he always been such a lightweight?’  
‘I’m not a ligh – ugh.’  
‘You know, I did always _want_ try it. No blood, you say?’  
‘Not if you have warm water.’  
‘Cool. I’m game.’  
‘Foggy, no, please, can we just stay bundled up up here and not get ourselves stuck to any city property?’  
‘Sorry, Karen, jury majority. Let’s go!’  
‘Oh, I’m so not drunk enough for this, you guys…’

~~~~~*~~~~~

‘This is the stupidest idea you’ve ever had, you know that? And I’m saying this knowing about your other… night-time _activities_.’  
‘Come on, Karen, live a little! I mean, aren’t you even curious?’  
‘Karen’s always curious, it’s like the one constant of her life. It’s why she even met us, remember?’  
‘Okay, yeah, maybe a little, but…’  
‘Great. How about you and I find a suitably frosty post…’  
‘… and then I’ll sniff it to ascertain its contamination levels are within reasonably non-lethal parameters. What? Foggy audio-described me a lot of Star Trek in college!’  
‘Here’s a good one. Look at that, Karen, doesn’t it look lingible?’  
‘Oh _god_. Yeah, I guess. Matt?’  
‘Yep, this is a prime specimen of New York City ironworks. You probably ingest more toxins when you have a pretzel at one of those stands.’  
‘Mmm, pretzels. Let’s go grab a few of those when we’re done with this insanity!’  
‘It’s half past eleven, I’m pretty sure they’re all packed up for the night. So how do we do this? Take turns?’  
‘Let’s just lick it together.’  
‘Holy crap, Matt, that’s the most pervy thing I think I’ve ever heard you say!’  
‘’We won’t even all fit around it at once, probably.’  
‘Sure we will. Don’t touch it, you’ll take the frost off!’  
‘We could take one each.’  
‘Then how would we all reach the thermos?’  
‘Oh, right…’  
‘Come on, guys, let’s just do this before I overrule the majority and drag you back inside.’  
‘Yes! Gather round, then. Oh and Matt, uncap that thing so we don’t have to suffer any longer than necessary…’  
‘Okay. Right. Count of three?’  
‘Ready? One. Two. Three.’  
‘… umph…’  
‘… _huck_ , hat’th gol’!’  
‘Aaaah! Math, gimme tha’!’  
‘… ’eah… hang ong…’  
‘Haaaah… gah! Holy shit!’  
‘Okay, ow. Matt, you sadist!’  
‘Told you not to try to pull away – oh, hey there, Fran!’  
‘… shit…! Who was _that_?’  
‘Matt’s neighbour. The one you met when we were all hopped up on eel strength, actually. And she just gave us the stink-eye worse than she’s _ever_ stink-eyed me before… which is saying a lot, all eels considered.’  
‘Oh my god. This is now officially the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever – come on, let’s just go inside!’  
‘At least now we can cross that off the bucket list!’  
‘It was never on my bucket list!’  
‘But was it how you imagined it, though? I remembered it being a lot more crispy and terrifying.’  
‘It was plenty crispy and terrifying. But also kinda fun. Thanks, Murdock, you absolute nutjob!’  
‘You’re welcome. Either of you got any crazy bucket list things we should try while we’re at it?’  
‘No, Matt...’  
‘Actually…’  
‘ _No_ , Foggy!’

**Author's Note:**

> I saw an icy lamppost. My mind just ran with it. And I've always wanted to ~~lick a lamppost~~ try writing an all-dialogue fic. It was surprisingly hard, but lots of fun. Also, it was a great opportunity to use the word lingible!  
>  Hope you enjoyed! :D


End file.
